Demonstrating the Survival of a Child in a Renovated Family

2 Univerzita sv. Cyrila a Metoda v Trnave, Slovakia, jana.hubinska@gmail.com Abstract: Our research is concentrated on not enough scientifically examined topics. We focused on qualitative research through which we examined four children from divorced families growing up in the new family. Aim of our research understands the child's survival and development of knowledge about how divorce can have an impact on child development and subsequently how the child receives a new foster parent. To collect data, we selected research methods such as drawing families, drawing enchanted families, unfinished sentences test, test and test family relationships manifest anxiety. The results show, that the majority of children problems arise with the acceptation of new partner parent. Constantly yearn for the return of the biological parent.


Introduction
As Gardner claims (1991), we can not expressly prove that children suffer from a divorce of their parents. It is unrealistic to recognize the impact of the divorce from the impact of other traumas, which a child could have experienced before the divorce. Accordingly, Smith (2004), maintains that not always the divorce must be a tragedy for the children. The Children realize it especially when the hateful behavior between the mother and the father alleviates. Rather than divorce itself, the trauma in children is developed by unhealthy home environment in which children are raised (Gardner, 1991).
The research of Hess and Camara (1979), was focused on finding whether the divorce of the parents or the relationships between the family members influence the types of behavior of a child. The results show that the relationships in the family have a great impact on the children. Harmful impact of the divorce gets weak by the influence of positive relationships between the parents and their children.
As Teyber (2007), Berger and Gravillon (2011) and Smith (2004), say that a child is able to cope with the divorce in approximately two years.
A child, who finds himself/herself in unfavorable situation, tries to use various strategies to cope with this situation. Parents consider those behavior patterns hostile and aggressive, therefore it is significant to recognize them and try to understand them (Smith, 2004).
The children experience various feelings during the divorce period. Each child is specific, that means that he or she can feel diverse emotions in various order and the patterns may differ (Smith, 2004). Amato and Keith (1991) state that it is important to consider three areas while observing the harmful impact on the children when the parents separate. In the first area, it is essential to distinguish between the mental separation from the parents and their formal divorce. The beginning of separation from a parent is for children more traumatic than the divorce itself. Children have the ability to retain vivid memories of the day when their mother or father left the family. In the second area, it is significant to consider the time that has passed since the divorce when assessing children's adjustment, which can occur only in the course of time. Longitudinal study has observed children's adaptation and indicates that the behavioral problems were frequent in children during the separation, but decline over time. Hetherington and Kelly (2002), observed that one year after the divorce, both parents and their children were exposed to greater problems than two months after the family break up. However, most of the issues which the parents and their children faced decrease or disappear two years after the divorce. Third area mentions that not the breakup of matrimony, but the events which follow after that cause the issues in children, such as the relationship between the parents, mutual communication, their approach to the children, raising the children, etc.

Reconstituted Family
The concept of reconstituted family means that a biological parent has children from previous relationship; eventually both parents have children from previous relationships. This means that their children are not full siblings (Sauzéde & Lagarde, 2007). Such a family can be called a stepfamily (Matoušek, 2008), which rises from a divorce, death of one of the parents, contracting a marriage of a single parent or adoption of children (Colorsová, 2008). Teyber (2007) and Sauzéde and Lagarde (2007) term such a family system a new family.
The most frequent type of reconstituted family consists of a woman together with her children from previous marriage and of a step farther (Sobotková, 2007). Conflicts can emerge in a new relationship, e. g. how much time is spent with whom, what punishments or praises are preferred, etc. Some partners of a reconstituted family think that the issues get solved by a birth of their common child. Birth of a child brings changes which impact mainly the step children (Colorsová, 2008). Gjuričová and Kubička (2009) state that, coming of a new sibling into the reconstituted family, represents a complicated situation for the step children and also for the blood children. They experience fear about their position in the family, they get jealous of the new sibling and they worry about the attention of the parents. Children can react variously to coming of a new person. We can say that the children in early age show more moderate reaction to the new partner of a parent than the older ones. The school-age-children from eight to thirteen years handle the situation most dramatically -with the greatest difficulties (Matějček & Dytrych, 1999). Along, Teyber (2007), states that the children aged ten to thirteen years accept the new partner of the parent in a negative manner.
The fundamental basis of the relationship between parents and their children is anchored in the fact that the parents provide security and help learn the surrounding world (Matějček & Dytrych, 1999). "It is possible to March, 2019 Openings Volume 10, Issue 1 nurse and feed a child without love -however, it is hardly possible to provide the feeling of security and safety without love" (Matějček & Dytrych, 1999: 66). Some step parents do not realize this fact. It is only important that the child accepts them. They try to substitute the biological parent, but it is necessary to remember that the authority cannot be dictated, it forms itself. Most cases revealed that the children reacted negatively and disapprovingly to a new partner of their parent. They defended themselves because they had the feeling that the individual concerned tries to substitute the parent who has left their family (Teyber, 2007;Matějček, 1994). It is important to allow contact with the other biological parent because the child can feel anger and can behave very negatively and be reserved towards the parents he or she lives in the household with. The child fears that his/her biological parent will lose interest in him/her with coming of the new partner of the parent. The reaction of the child is jealousy, blaming the new person in his/her family and commanding attention and love of the biological parent (Teyber, 2007).

Researched Issue
Several researchers (Amato & Keith, 1991;Colorsová, 2008;Sauzéde & Lagarde, 2007;Teyber, 2007), mention contradictory findings which related to children's age range in which a child accepts a new partner of a parent into the family with the greatest difficulty. The aim of the work was synchronized with the reality that it makes greatest difficulty to accept a new partner of a parent in the age from eight to thirteen years (Sobotková, 2007). We share the above mentioned statement, especially because parental attitudes and identity with own sex, are formed in this age (Baranovská & Doktorová, 2015). Children can experience various feelings, e g. loss of security and safety (Hubinská, 2016), in stressful periods. Gardner (1991), Smith (2004), Teyber (2007), Berger and Gravillon (2011), Grych and Fincham (1992) concluded that after the break-up of family co-existence the children experienced concurrent feelings which ended up as the feeling of relief. Based on these findings, we focused on experience of the children and their momentary feelings, their relationships with the parents and on the consequences of a divorce.

Aim of the Research
The main aim of the research was to find out that there was a connection between the divorce and its negative impact on the child, to find out the relationship of the child to the other parent with whom he/she does not live in common household and to describe the relationship to the new step parent and vice versa, the relationship of the step parent to the child.

Researched Questions
1. What standpoints have the children towards the divorce of their parents? 2. What were the ways the children reacted to coming of the new partner of the parent into the family? 3. What standpoint do the children have towards the new step parent? 4. What standpoint prevails in the step father towards the children? 5. Does a state of anxiety emerge in children due to current situation in the family? 6. What is the real view of the children on the newly arisen situation in the family?

Researched Sample
Researched sample consisted of four children from various families. Their age ranged from nine to twelve years. We aimed at the children who have experienced difficulties in the families, such as the divorce of the parents and coming of a new partner of the parent into the family. When selecting the respondents, we chose the method of systematic selection (Barthassat, 2014). We worked with the respondents who carried specific characteristics, (the children growing up in a new family, the step father, the children from nine to twelve years old). The participants of the research were found with the help of the relatives and family friends.
Studied Child Number 1 The boy was born on November 26, 2005 and was ten years old. The child was growing up in a new family with the biological mother, together with the sister and the step father. The sister was three years older. Family members had been living in the common household for three years. The boy was meeting his biological father every weekend. The biological father did not have a new girlfriend.
Studied Child Number 2 The girl was born on July, 17, 2004 and was eleven years old. The girl lived in a new family which consisted of the biological mother, the brother and the step father. The brother was nine years younger. The family members had been living in one household for two years. The biological parents divorced when the girl was seven years old. The mother had been in a new relationship for three years. The girl was meeting the biological father The boy was born on April, 04, 2006 and was ten years old. The boy's new family consisted of the biological mother, the step father and the siblings. The child was growing up with a younger three-year-old brother and a twelve-year-old sister. The family members had been living under one common roof for five years. Biological parents divorced when the boy was four years old. The mother and her new partner had been in the partnership for five years. The boy was meeting his biological father occasionally. The biological father had a new family.
Studied Child Number 4 The girl was born on December 05, 2006 and was nine years old. The girl had been living in a new family with a biological mother and a step father. All had been living together only for three months. Biological parents had divorced seven months ago. The mother had been in a new partnership for five months. Meeting the biological father was based on mutual agreement. The biological father had a new girlfriend.

Research Methods
In regard to the delicacy of the problem, we have chosen qualitative research by which we can investigate in depth the lives of people and their mutual relationships. A case study was chosen as the strategy of qualitative research. When planning the research, we proceeded according to triangulation as we have combined various research methods when researching certain phenomena-we have observed and examined alike social events applying different methods.
The research had three phases which we divided into several days. Testing has been performed in natural conditions of a given child, without the presence of the parent. The preparation phase was aimed at finding anamnestic data and rested on the interview with the mother. Following, we have utilized:  Semi-structured interview with the child, a play with a favorite toya relaxed atmosphere was induced by the play during which information about perception of the situation of the child was obtained  Observing non-verbal expressions -during all the meetings -eye contact, tension, paralinguistic expressions, gesticulation, nervousness, shyness, etc. were noted down.
 The drawing of the family and the drawing of Enchanted Family according to Altman, extended by complementary questions -the drawing captures experiences, positions, wishes about the persons in a way the child experienced it or would like to experience it. The symbols which a child does not want to admit on conscious level appear in the drawing of Enchanted Family. Complementary questions are important part because they complete the information from the drawing.
 CMAS -Children's Manifest Anxiety Scale -the test is aimed to record relative tendency to anxiety in children. Items describe thoughts, feelings and behaviors related to anxiety stage connected with a specific event  Anthony-Bene Test of family relationships -semi projective test aimed at understanding and stating negative and positive interpersonal relationships among particular family members and the child  Incomplete sentences -a supplementary projective method serving to reveal possible disputes with previous results

Analysis of the Results
The original research includes detailed case studies of the children who participated in the research, together with the analysis of the results and the methods used. Due to the lack of space, we introduce a general Chart No. 1, which summarizes all elaborated results and presents particular categories and cogent witnesses of the children.   Chart No. 1 illustrates the overview of studied categories, which we have chosen via the method of open coding. The categories were based on obtained data from the respondents, which were gathered through the usage of individual test methods. We could see the number of witnesses in which the children concurred and in which they differentiated. When we focused on family situation, we found out that three out of four children were not happy and they worried. They wished their families had been as they used to be: "I wish we, as a family, would spend free time together. ", "I wish we all would be happy and together as we used to be. " "I want to live in the village in our house, where I have grown up with mom and father. " One of the children was even-minded with the family situation and was contented. He perceived his step father as a biological father: " I wish the biological father would never return home because everything would change in our family. I love my step father. " The divorce of the parents meant a loss for each child and it has left various consequences in some children. We perceive the divorce as a very stressful event which concerns children especially. Diverse issues raised in children during the divorce. Enuresis and fear of darkness have occurred in one child: "I fear darkness; I have to fall asleep by a light. Sometimes I wake up at night because of bad dreams. "Another child suffered from behavior March, 2019 Openings Volume 10, Issue 1 disorder in the form of aggression: "I beat other children because I do not like them. I do not listen to my teacher in school. "Another child was obsessed by fear of strange people, but also excessive care syndrome: " I fear strange people because they are bad. Without mom I do not fall asleep anywhere. She must be with me all the time. "Only one child had no complications.
Our attention was focused also on the relationship of the step father to the child and vice versa. We have found out that the relationships of all the step fathers to the children were positive: "The step father treats me with politeness", "He is nice but sometimes he commands"," Almost always he treats me super so that sometimes I do not understand it", "He is very thoughtful, but sometimes he shouts." The feelings of the children to the step father varied. Two children did not admit the step father to their family and took a negative attitude towards him: "I do not like him", I do not want him to be my father"; in the contrary, the other two children stated, "I perceive him as a friend"; I want him to be my biological father. "We have noticed that mainly girls hold over the negative relationship. It is evident that the boys do not have any issue with the step father. They perceived him as a person who was living with them in one household at the moment and they respected him. When studying the ties between the child and the biological father, we have noted only one exception. The boy's emotions towards the biological father were very negative, "I do not like my father. He is a bad person and is not interested in me. "The other children perceived the biological father very positive: " Father treats me very nice and well. " I like him very much. ""He is the best father in the world. " When testing the emotional ties, it turned up that all the children had the strongest relationship to mothers and they said, "mom always takes care of me nicely"; "she is the person I can have a good fun with"; "she listens to me and helps me when I have a problem"; "she expresses great love to me." On the other hand, we have studied negative ties too. Negative ties to the step father prevailed in two children. "I want that person leaves our family. " "For this person, my parents argue all the time. " "One child had a negative attitude towards the biological father: "He does not care about me, he is a bad person. " Also another child had this attitude towards the biological father, but only because "father now takes care of other children too and pays me less attention than he used to. " Each child has his/her own secret dreams. The wishes in the studied children were very similar. Three of four children wished that "mom and biological father would be together again"; "biological father would return home", "father would not drink beer a then mom would certainly return." One child had different desires, "I want my parents to help me more, because they pay attention only to the brother and the sister. " In this case, it was evident that the parental attention was concentrated only on younger children. The boy missed closeness of both parents. It is noteworthy that the children's desires were fixed on family and not on other desires, such as various dolls, cars, etc. The categories were set up from children's drawings which we have used as a test tool. The interest was directed towards the details of the drawing of the family and the drawing of Enchanted Family. In the drawings of family, the children depicted what was most important for them. "I have drawn a house, in which I used to live together with the father, the mother and the sister. Also, I have drawn the dog which I take care of when I am in my father's house. "The house represented family for the boy. It is a place of his childhood, where he was growing up. "Mom and father are holding each other's hand. " The child expressed her wish in the drawing. "My figure is placed between mother and father. " We apprehend it in the way that the child wanted to be the point of interest of his parents. Also, important were the drawings of animals, especially those which represented the step father. Two children drew the step father in the form of a snake. Their descriptions of the drawings were very similar. "He has creeped up to us in order to live with us"; "He is snaky, bad and came to live with us. " One of the children drew the step father as a duck: " the step father blabs all the time, but I do not listen to him." Another child drafted the step father as wolf: "Wolf is a predatory animal and the step father is sometimes strict. But wolf is also shy, as the step father sometimes is, because he only says yes to mom and obeys her. "

Discussion and Conclusion
In the research, we have not concentrated on how the children lived during the period of divorce, but on the way they perceive it in their memories now. The time which has passed from divorce of parents was substantial, while we have assumed that each child would manifest different emotions considering the length differences. Researchers, as Teyber (2007), Berger andGravillon (2011), Mičková (2015) and Smith (2004), present that the child is able to cope with the divorce in approximately two years. Based on the research results, we have found out that the time which has passed from the divorce does not matter, because children always perceive the divorce in vivid memories (Amato & Keith, 1991). Emotions varied based on the phases in which the children were. Negation was the first reaction to the divorce (Amato, 2005). We think that three of four children manifest this March, 2019 Openings Volume 10, Issue 1 49 reaction to the divorce of the parents all the time. They live in an illusion because they let themselves be talked into that parents come back to each other. On the grounds of the research results we assume that three children were settled up with leaving of a parent "at least they will not argue each day. " In the course of time, they learned to live in the presence of one biological parent. This contributed to the fact that the children regularly met the parent who left their family. This fact was not observed in one studied child because a very short time passed from the divorce of the parents. Especially, when researching this child, we had the opportunity to observe in detail and note down the above mentioned reactions, which the child showed in relation to the divorce of the parents. Despite the fact that the children have gone through the given progressive reactions, we cannot claim that complete recovery has taken place because the children still desire to have both parents: "I wish all would be as it used to be." We have recorded various reactions in the researched children. Three of four children have not accepted the step father, even though he had lived with them under the same roof for some time: "I want him to leave our family." Negative feelings have occurred in the families which have taken part in the research. These feelings stem from the children mainly. The essence of this phase rests on the fact whether the new family overcomes the problems it encounters. In our opinion, gradually, each family settles up and accepts the new reality at the end.
We have mainly concentrated on the attitude of the children towards the step parent. The children perceived the step father as the boyfriend of their mother who lived with them in one household. The results showed that the attitude of three children towards this person was very negative: "I do not like him, I do not want him to be my father"; one child accepted the step father as own father. It was caused by the fact that the biological father was not interested in this child. The child had compensated it by strong emotional ties to the step father who provided love. This child had a strong tie towards this step father and demanded all his attention. Other children showed negative attitudes towards the step father. We think that the children take these attitudes because they have the feelings of dominancy over their live from the side of a strange person who wants to implement new rules which the children do not accept. The authors, who devote to this problem, have the opinion that the children need some time to get used to the new rules. They mention the period from two to four years (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002;Sobotková, 2007). In another researched question we tried to record the attitude of the step parent towards the child. The results confirmed that the step fathers had positive relations to the children. They loved them and tried to attract their attention by nice words, various gifts and trips. The researches in this area confirm this fact.
In the next researched question we studied whether some level of anxiety occurred due to the current family situation. We have found out that all children have reached some level of anxiety in the CMAS test. During the testing we have recorded various children's answers, such as: "I feel very lonely even when I am among people, secretly, I fear many things, other children are happier than me." We found the answers very significant. It is very important how a child feels because that can have a significant impact on his/her further mental development what confirms the research lead by Lamb (2010).In the results, we also mention school difficulties related to the studied children. In three children, various issues occurred, such as: enuresis, nighttime fears, aggressive behavior and fear of strange people. We can claim that these difficulties related to the family events. In two cases, the mentioned complications appeared after the divorce of the parents. In one boy, problematic behavior has emerged which pertained to the raising of the child by the parents. This way the boy tried to attract their attention. In one case, we have recorded complications during his mental development.
All obtained findings prove that a child living in the environment which enables him/her to pay attention to love, in the environment which atmosphere is considered accepting and loving, we build a healthy mental development without complications, despite the various exceptions which we have devoted to in this research. A divorce does not necessarily have to have a negative impact on the children. It is important that parents do not solve their conflicts in front of the children and that they do not neglect to inform them about the divorce. Besides, building a new family does not have to be harmful for children when they are rendered sufficient amount of time to accept the new reality.
The limitation of the research was the number of the researched sample as it consisted of only four children. Evidently, the research applied on large sample would be of a higher value. We could compare the feelings of the children and we would look for the differences and similarities. The shortcoming of the research was that the studied problems cannot be compared to other researches because they are scientifically little investigated. The objective of the case studies of the studied children was mainly in approximating the studied problems. March, 2019 Openings Volume 10, Issue 1