DO I WANT MYSELF BACK?
(second volume of the series “I Confess I Am a Woman”)
Romanian edition. Original title: MĂ DORESC ÎNAPOI MIE?
LUMEN – Copyright © 2018 – POETRY & FICTION Book Series
FORMAT: Paperback PAGES: 496 LANGUAGE: Romanian
By analyzing her he came to know himself, facing his shortcomings and hopes, and things that had been the center of his universe until then lost their importance and other needs surfaced, as Calin realized that they had been waiting in the shadows for ever. He had the feeling that he had run his whole life without knowing, searching … always looking … for something … for himself … a purpose, a reason, motivation. He ran through the strings of memories, parties, friends, conflicts, women, he exhausted himself trying to find in them what had previously made him to consider himself fulfilled, but found out that beyond all there was a truth that had hitherto escaped him, which eluded him still, but he didn’t want to run away from.
It was as if the axes of his world had suddenly changed, and he could no longer find them and integrate them into the new order, he had lost the direction of the road from minus to plus, dissected himself and questioned any decision he had made, not knowing what was left for sure, what he could rely on. He felt blindfold, while failing to realize why they were all exactly the opposite than they had been until then and nothing pleased him, and lingered in the feeling that he had to do something to force them to make sense again … he didn’t even know why, to what end, for whom, and how. (Fragment from the volume)